Oceans

I adjust my bed so it is in the middle of the room
Against nothing
Like a pontoon stranded in the middle of the ocean
Dark and
Vast and
Unforgiving.
Falling asleep to build up courage because
I
Am afraid
Of everything.

I pack my suitcase then I walk out the door.
I turn around.
Unpack.
I do this again six more times then crawl into my bed
Lost at sea
The same one I’ve slept in for three years
Because I
Am afraid
Of everything.

I tell myself today will be different and
I tell everyone else today is exactly the same

One day
I will fall into the dark blue
And I will stay there
Or I will wash ashore
Salty
And healed
And forgiven.

And
I will not be afraid
Of anything.

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