Peace

There are tiny little scars that have since turned from purple to an almost unnoticeable skin tone, ones that used to be wounds larger than my heart. I have heard different opinions on life and love and friendship, I have tried to defy the odds and I have let multiple mouths tell the story of my own life before I realized that it was not theirs to tell. I mirrored myself after the reflection of what these heavy hearts told me I am.

“This is who you are. Look at yourself.”

You have not lived in this skin, yet

I have not lived in yours.

I am at peace with this.

There were hours when I did not know what planet I was on. I could have been anywhere they told me I was.

I have had to get rid of this desperation that pumped through my veins and projected off of my tongue like the greatest lie ever told. I have had to sit back and watch years of love and friendship fly away over all of the bridges they told me I single-handedly burned as I try to cling to the edges of their coattails.

Today, I  look at myself in a mirror that was built by hands that were not the ones who shooed me away like vermin, but by those of an uncertain future which is both terrifying and exhilarating, and I am at peace with this.

I have breathed out a sigh of yes, I am okay, to those that would not believe me even if they saw it themselves,

but I am at peace with this. 

I used to beg and yearn for the acceptance of so many, but forgot that my tired soul neglected its own happiness. These are called mistakes. It is our job to learn from them.

Every day that I am gifted brings me more possibilities than I could have ever imagined, 

and I have since broken the mirror those filthy hands shoved up to my forehead. 

I have learned that sometimes grace is slow to enter, truth is hard to hear, and honesty is something that is learned after your sin-riddled soul has fallen to the depths of hell and crawled its way out, into a sea of delicious appreciation for every beautiful thing you’ve been granted,

even when you felt you did not deserve it.

And

I am at peace with this.

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